Helen Stipkovits – Kauri Head Teacher, Primary
In Montessori we know that around age six the child moves from the time of the absorbent mind to having a more conscious, reasoning mind. Their world expands; their horizons widen beyond home and whānau, and independence becomes a central work of these years. For parents, this shift can feel both exciting and unsettling. Suddenly your child would rather ride bikes with friends, go to sports training, or organise a weekend playdate than spend the weekend with you. This is not rejection; it is development.
A secure child knows they can move out into the world and return safely. When tamariki feel confident that home is steady and relationships are strong, they are free to test their independence. They start to move away in small, manageable steps – walking to a friend’s house, managing their own belongings, planning a baking project – then return for reassurance, connection, and rest. Security fuels independence.
You may also notice that the sweet manners of early childhood seem to fade. The child who once said “please” and “thank you” without prompting may now sound blunt or dismissive. Some describe this stage as the ‘age of rudeness.’ Dr. Montessori wrote, “The child now stands in need of his own inner light” (Montessori, 1948/2007, p. 2). They are learning to stand on their own two feet socially. They do not want to be babied; they are practising resilience.
Children at this stage are far more capable than we sometimes realise. One of the most powerful ways to support independence is to give real responsibility. Let your child make their own school lunch, cook a family dinner each week, or bake something to share at a whānau gathering. Teach them how to use kitchen tools safely. Show them how to budget pocket money or save for something meaningful. When children contribute in real and useful ways, they feel competent and trusted.
Physical order is no longer their main focus; social belonging and fairness take centre stage. While shared family spaces should remain reasonably tidy for everyone’s comfort, give children responsibility over their own areas. Appeal to their developing reasoning mind and explain why communal spaces matter and can differ from their own personal space. Children respond well when treated as active, thinking participants in family life.
This is also an age of adventure, and children crave opportunities to test themselves. While today’s world may not allow the same freedoms previous generations enjoyed, we can still provide safe, expanding boundaries. Agree on clear limits, allow your child to practise their skills, and gradually extend trust. Most children will not go beyond their true comfort level; they want challenge, not danger. Perhaps the greatest work for us as parents is learning when to step back. When your child says, “I’ve got this,” and the situation is safe, allow them to try. Stay nearby but resist solving every problem. Each small success builds inner strength.
The Second Plane child is not pulling away from family; they are stretching toward society. They are learning how to stand confidently at kura, on the sports field, in their friendships, and within their community. When we provide security, meaningful responsibility, and space to grow, we nurture true independence – not distance from us, but capability within the child; that capability is the foundation for the confident, contributing adult they are going to grow into.
Montessori, M. (2007). To Educate the Human Potential. Montessori-Pierson Publishing Co. (Original work published in 1948).
